Mother’s Day is approaching and the world is readying itself to celebrate the most incredible women. It will celebrate the women who have shaped countless lives with love and unconditional care. A mother-child relationship is such that it possesses the transformative power to shape one’s very essence. But within its depths also lie the latent potential of causing an irreparable emotional wound for life. This year, let us delve into the diverse narratives of motherhood and acknowledge both the complexities and challenges.
Breaking free from stereotypes:
We live in a society where the word “motherhood” is bound by stereotypical traditional norms. It is often confined to a narrow set expectation. There are stories that defy these conventional norms and put a broader perspective in view. Meet Dr. Ruth Feldman, the director of the Centre for developmental social neuroscience at IDC, Herzliya, Israel. She has described the role of the hormone oxytocin in parent-infant bonding. It is frequently found that it is usually the mothers that are more in tune with their infant’s needs, especially at night. The reason for this, as per her research, is that although both the parents experience the same level of oxytocin surge in their brains, the maternal oxytocin surge activates the amygdala in mothers (a major processing centre for emotions in the brain) more than fathers. However, a group of gay couples has also been studied by her to look at their oxytocin levels as parents who did not give birth biologically to their children. The result revealed that gay men who are primary caregivers also have the same activation as the biological mothers even without going through pregnancy and child birth. In her words “it is a choice to be a parent to the infant” that causes this. This study illuminates the boundless capacity of the human heart to love and nurture as a parent, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Society often perpetuates that motherhood is synonymous with love, care and nurturing while fatherhood is associated with authority, discipline and providing.
The story of adoption:
Similarly, consider non-biological mothers who reinforce that motherhood is not about genes but about selflessly unconditional love. Story of Muskan Sharma from New Delhi is a great example of that. Muskan lost her brother to a cardiac arrest and his wife took her life after hearing the same. The couple left behind their six-month old son, Viraj, alone. Muskan took care of Viraj as her own child, and when she got married, she decided to adopt Viraj and take care of him with her husband. Her story truly breaks the constraints of conservative mentality.
Toxic motherhood:
Now, on the other hand of the spectrum, let’s talk about the people for whom Mother’s Day is a sad reminder of unresolved emotional wounds. Meet Shafaque Eqbal, a Crowned Cosmopolitan fashion influencer, a model, a mother, from Noida. Eqbal grew up at her maternal grandmother’s house after the divorce of her parents. Until about the age of six, she used to live with her mother. Then her mother got married somewhere else and did not take Shafaque with her. Shafaque grew up in a very toxic household where domestic violence and body shaming was a norm. As an adult, she wasn’t supported through her pregnancy and postpartum either. She consequently fell into depression. But she ultimately gained the courage to break free from these mental shackles when she acknowledged the toxic traits, she herself had acquired from her maternal household. This opened a gateway for her self-discovery and the path to improvement and made her into who she is today. This story is a sombre contrast against the backdrop of Mother’s Day celebration.
Motherhood is a multifaceted nature and the experiences are subjective. As we celebrate Mother’s Day this year, let us not only honour the sacrifices and dedication of mothers, but also acknowledge their humanity. We should not hesitate to extend empathy and support to those facing challenges, including those with toxic mothers, recognising that motherhood is not a one-size-fits-all experience.